The Hell Hound Returns

Anyone who has spent much time reading mythology has heard of the Hell Hounds. (If not click and be enlightened.) However this is not about the mythical hounds of hell. This is about mortal hounds emulating the famed hounds. It is also an excuse for a rambling discourse that finally meanders to a point. Just so you know.

It is dry around here. We have had very little snow or precipitation this winter. It is so dry and the air is so dry that walking down the hall and then reaching for the light switch is a death defying act. One will often get an inch or longer static electricity spark from the switch plate to the nearest part of your anatomy. Not a weak arc either, a bright blue audible snap type arc. The kind that hurt. After a while, you see people doing the static electricity mambo to flick the switch without getting shocked. In my younger days, it might have involved using the socked foot to do the deed. Unfortunately, age is making that a harder and harder trick to carry out without running the risk of conking ones head on something hard, like the floor. I have started pulling the sleeve of my sweatshirt over my hand. (Don't laugh, it works!) In any case, you get the picture: it is dry as a bone and static electricity builds with every motion.

The other day I woke up at around 4am. I rolled over so I was sitting up on the side of the bed when Molly came over and put her head in my lap. She knows that if she catches me before I get up and mosey down the hall, she can get her head and ears rubbed for a bit. So I fulfill my part of the bargain by gently rubbing her ears and mentally going through the list of things I need to do. It is pitch black because I haven't turned on any lights. Preparatory to telling Molly that we should get going, I start rubbing her back, from tail to top of head. And it suddenly feels like I am being stuck with little needles. I look down and Molly is completely outlined in a blue nimbus of glowing static electricity which stands out about a half inch from her fur. I rub a bit faster and harder and the glow gets to about 3/4 inch and starts making little popping noises as it shocks Molly and I. Needless to say neither of us cared for that and the rub was over. Molly was still glowing with static electricity as she headed down the darkened hall, but the charge was obviously leaking off and the glow decreasing as she walked.

Watching Molly walk down the hall put me in the mind of the Hell Hounds. (See, I told you there was a point!) Remember in The Hound of the Baskervilles when Sherlock Holmes finds the fake hell hound created by painting the its mouth with white phosphorus? Well, I have a glowing dog without the phosphorus. My own personal hell hound. The only bad thing is that you are supposed to die a sudden and mysterious death if you see the hell hounds three times. I've seen Molly a lot more than that. Could mean I'm in real trouble.

One of the local papers mangled a joke this week. It is important to tell a joke correctly. (And it drives me crazy to see or hear a joke mangled. I think it comes from being married to a chronic punch line mangler. L will tell a joke, get to the the punch line and say "I can't remember the punch line but it was really funny." and walk away. Don't do that to those who love jokes!) So here is the corrected joke:

Morris the 82 year old man had a physical. A few weeks later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm , grinning from ear to ear. A few days later the doctor had a chance to talk to Morris alone.

Doctor: "You're doing great, aren't you?"

Morris: "Sure am. I'm doing exactly what you told me to."

Doctor (with confused look): "What was that?"

Morris: "Get a hot momma and be cheerful."

Doctor: "I didn't say that!" I said, "You've got a heart murmur and be careful."

Off to await the arrival of L for the delayed valentines and birthday celebrations!

ASIDE (Repeat #2): I plan to remove and recreate anew the feed for this site sometime Saturday to try and clear up the reported problems with the site not showing up in dashboard and/or some readers. The problem seems to be related to having two feeds as a result of some template changes a while ago. So on Sunday (or Monday), please resubscribe in your reader after deleting the old subscription and/or if you are a follower, unfollow and then follow again. Hopefully this will clear up all the problems. Thanks.