Five Hints You Are No Longer a Teenager
- Spending hours discussing who is sweet on whom or who is sleeping with whom does not inspire that tittering interest it once did.
- You prefer music that doesn't sound like a bull moose playing the accordion while a herd of elk are being strangled in the background. Dead and dying rabbits, OK, but the tortured elk are just a bit too much.
- Your friends say "Huh? What'd you say?" a lot unless you speak up. Which leads to the classic faux pas of screaming loudly into sudden silence: "So how's the rash on that certain part of your male anatomy doing?" Suddenly everyone has perfect hearing (or so it seems).
- You think longingly of bed after only 18 hours of hard labor. Getting off work, hitting the party and then just going straight to work for another day without sleep seems more than a bit like visiting Hades.
- You have lost all fear of public speaking, no matter how small, large, friendly, or angry the audience. (You figure that by now you have already embarrassed yourself in every way possible. The challenge now is finding creative new ways of attaining embarrassment. After the time you drunkenly recited the Beer Prayer, nude, from the second story balcony, to an audience of thousands, everything else is simply anti-climatic.)
For those who don't know the Beer Prayer:
The Beer Prayer
Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drunk,
At home as it is in the tavern.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillage,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not to incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers.
For thine is the beer, the bitter, and the lager.
Barmen.
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drunk,
At home as it is in the tavern.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillage,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not to incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers.
For thine is the beer, the bitter, and the lager.
Barmen.
(This version from Ted Guhl)
Now head on over linky at Angela's and read on.
I agree with everything except my fear of public speaking will be with me to the end.
ReplyDeleteHAHA!! I really like the beer prayer!
ReplyDeleteThe beer prayer made me snort laugh. Here I thought I was still a teenager until I realized that I agree with everything you said.
ReplyDeleteIn fact, have a tween daughter has made me realize how happy I am not to be a teenager.
Barmen.
ReplyDeleteHumph. I thought I WAS still a teenager ... but I guess I was wrong.
ReplyDeleteI think of bed after 5 hours of work...you must be Superman :)
ReplyDeleteNice. I'd never heard that one before somehow. And thank you ohhhh so much for reminding me that nope, I'm nowehere near a teen anymore. Or even a recent college graduate.
ReplyDelete