Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Challenge For A New Year

Life is returning to normal after two funerals and L's return to the mountains for business, just in time for this year's final Writer's Challenge from Mama Kat. This weeks topics include:
1.) Your pet wants to guest post on your blog.
(inspired by Matthew at Child’s Play x2)

2.) You wake up one day with an unusual super power that seems pretty worthless—until you are caught in a situation that requires that specific “talent.”
(inspired by Writer’s Digest)

3.) Write about a speech you gave at a wedding.
4.) Write a letter to someone you received poor customer service from.
(inspired by Lynsey from Sassy & Southern)

5.) This time I really MEAN it! It’s time to list your New Year’s resolutions for 2010.
(inspired by Margaret from Nanny Goats In Panties)

 So without further delay, let's see what comes out!

#1 - (Molly the dog here filling in for my master)

What is the problem you have understanding my requests for chewies? I know you can interpret my look as I gaze adoringly at you, eyes large and irresistable as the sun goes down. I know you know what I want. Especially since you oft times tell me "Not now." or "Too early."

I have to tell you that it is never too early for the wonderful taste of a chicken infused rawhide chewie. Have I ever refused one? Heck, even when I haven't ventured forth from my bed all day, I still eagerly hop and jump at the sound of the magical words "Want a chewie?" It is always time for a chewie. So how can you even attempt to tell me it isn't? How can you? Huh? Huh? What?

Sorry, I lost my train of thought there. My master just asked me if I wanted a chewie. Now what were we talking about?

#2 - I can remember as I grew into the strength of my power. It seemed so useless. Who really wanted to be blessed with the ability to forget anyone's name within seconds of hearing it. I might have known you for forty years, but the second anyone asked me your name, all there was was a complete blank. I became an expert at bestowing nicknames just because I couldn't remember names. Thus my life was filled with stinky and shorty and goofy and ... precisely because I could not remember anyone's name.

But then one foggy night, my worthless super-power came to the fore. It began when Santa came asking for help on his delivery route. I was put in charge of the "naughty, not nice" list. It seemed to be a real mistake by the jolly man in red, but I was prepared to do my best. The way the list worked was simple - if the list holder read your name on the list, they then knew you and your name. If they knew your name, you had been naughty and got a lump of coal or less.

It was clear that Christmas Eve might be a bit different with me in charge of the bad list. Every person I saw was a complete blank as to name. I could have known them all my life, but when I saw them I drew a complete blank, even after reading the list. And unfortunately, Santa used a very poor phraseology to ask if the person was on the bad list: "Do you know this person?"

It led to some odd gifting choices. Even axe murderers on death row got presents. Heck, even dogmatic partisan politicians were gifted. So if you got more and better gifts than you deserved when you opened packages on Christmas morning, it is because I didn't know your name. So I inadvertently made the day using my super-power. After all, since everyone, be they naughty or nice, got presents form Santa, the main cause of sibling rivalry was eliminated. Billions of parents enjoyed a peaceful day without the constant squables of the kids claiming one another got more or better gifts. And at least one axe murderer vowed to restict his work to Thanksgiving turkeys in the future! (Sorry, partisan politicians are just plain unredeemable.)

#3 - I have never given a speech at a wedding, so this one is going to get a skip.

#4 - Here it is (from this post)

Dear Ms. Salesperson:

I appreciated your cheerful insistence on talking to me today with that "important news" about better online storage strategies, but I did not care for the way you ignored my protestations of "Not interested!" and "Goodbye!" I especially did not care for the fact that you felt compelled to call me back after I pointedly hung up the telephone. It would seem that me telling you that I am not interested should be enough for you to cease and desist. Since it wasn't and you called to interrupt me yet again, I am taking the time to write you this letter.

Because of your ill-mannered and ill-considered actions, I will never consider the purchase of any product from you or XYZ, Inc. The lack of consideration for purchase will also extend to any of my clients who seek my opinion on the products of XYZ, Inc.

I hope you will share this letter with your supervisor and the president of XYZ, Inc. I have taken the liberty of assisting you in sharing by sending them a copy of this letter for their files under separate cover.


My Real Name

#5 - I don't normally do New Year's Resolutions, but just for you I herewith present my 2010 Resolutions:
  • I resolve to worry less and enjoy life more.
  • I resolve to treat others with the respect they show me.
  • I resolve to talk to Molly the dog more.
  • I resolve to stop and smell the roses.
  • I resolve to learn as many new things as I can.
  • I resolve to conquer a fear - maybe nude skydiving?
  • I resolve to become more organized.


  1. I liked this very much. You first story reminded me about the dog from the moive Up!.

    And I don't make resilutions either.

  2. Ok so I am so sorry for the all the spelling errors. It is early and I have not had coffee yet. I guess I should know better than to try and write without the jolt of caffeine.

  3. I've discovered I have the same super's embarrassing sometimes. Even when I was working, and someone would tell me to go talk to let's say, Keith, I'd have to ask someone else who Keith was - and they'd give me the "where the heck have you been?" look.

  4. I loved these stories and found it very clever how your horrible super power of forgetting names could be turned into a positive spin.

    About skydiving nude....hmmm. with all the drastic weather changes you have in your area you might want to rethink that one. You might leave for your flight with 85 degree weather but land in a freak snowstorm needing clothes to keep you warm. :-)

  5. Give the dog a chewie, man! :-)

    Love the superpower and you found the perfect situation it would work in. I am always forgetting name including my own.

    I would rethink the nude skydiving. I think it would be way more dangerous for a man then for a woman. I'm just saying.

  6. Stopping by from Mama Kat's! Love your take on all the prompts (I did the wedding speech one). Your dogs post was great...I will not let my dog read it today though. Really, the telemarketer lady called you back!
    Holly @ 504 Main

  7. I too cannot remember people's name. My problem extends to movie titles, song titles, bands, celebrities (does that one really matter?), store names, product names, TV show titles...should I continue?

    Did you put a stamp on your letter and mail it off? I'm guessing that salesperson broke protocol on all sides of the protocol rule book.

  8. Loved that letter Dan :) and your resolutions rock! Happy New Year!!

  9. Love the dogs letter. Give her some Chewies for heaven's sake : ) Nude sky diving? Very nice! Be sure to post pictures!

  10. Stopping by from Mama's Losin' It! Loved your post! My dog did one as well.

  11. Oh, by the way, my Writer's Workshop posts are always on my Happy At Home blog lol but thanks for visiting my Crazy Life blog so much this year. I always enjoy your comments :D Happy New Year again! Hope you, L and Molly have a great 2010!

  12. Oh those telephone marketers can be something else can't they!?! I can't believe he actually called you back though! A brave brave man.

  13. Nude skydiving? You know how to make me chuckle:) Talk to Molly more for sure. You know that she has an amazing knack for political discussion :) Just listen closely...

    Happy New Year Dan!!!

  14. Nude skydiving? ACK!!! Well, that would keep me from making resolutions if I had to resolve to plummet to the earth at terminal velocity without clothes. Hey - does nude mean no parachute either? So you would only really be able to do THAT once.

    Thanks for the link love (and did you link it up over at NGIP?)

    Hope you have a happy new year!


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