Wednesday, August 5, 2009

The Sock Recovery Tool and Other Stories

Time once again for Mama Kat's Writer's Challenge. This week the prompts are:
1.) What's ailing you? Diagnose yourself with a syndrome.

(inspired by Kimberly from Kamp KK)

2.) Share with us something you made by hand.
(inspired by Texan Mama via email)

3.) Fess up. Tell us what you found after a spying on someone.
(inspired by The Scattered Mind of a Tattooed Mini Van Mom)

4.) "How are y'all doing it? This summer, I mean? I cannot remember ever being as busy as we've been over the past two months. Those of you who are blogging daily, being as witty and entertaining as ever...I beg of you...HOW?"
(inspired By Lula from Lulaville)

5.)What are you afraid of?
(inspired by Life With Kaishon)

#1 - I'm currently suffering from two deadly syndromes. I don't know which will get me first, but I do know that both are fatal.

The first is the dreaded ILMWS (I Love My Wife Syndrome). That means that I miss her a lot when she is forced to stay in the mountains for weeks at a time for business. Unfortunately, I suffer from the lesser rather than the greater version of this syndrome. In the greater version, amo meus uxor maximus, you pine away and eventually fade away due to not eating. In the lesser version, amo meus uxor grunnio, you make a lot of really high calorie food and eventually die from bacon overdose. In either case, the prognosis is not good.

The second syndrome is CAIS (Computer Addicted Idiot Syndrome). You know you have this ugly affliction when you keep thinking "I can read one more blog post before I absolutely positively have to get up and go to the bathroom." and you do this repeatedly until the sprint is on. You also know you are on the verge of progressing into the final stages when you find yourself drooling over ads for new computers, even if you already have several working machines at hand. In the last stage, you stop talking to anyone in real life - often insisting that the people you know from blogging are more real than the annoying ghosts trying to keep you from spending yet more time on the computer.

#2 - The only things I've made by hand in the last couple of weeks are large piles of vegetation like this:
as I cleaned out the volunteer elms and sumac and weeds from the back yard. Of course if we aren't restricted to the last couple of weeks, I always have my patent-pending, Rube Goldberg approved, behind-the-dresser and behind-the-dryer sock recovery tool (you'll have to click on the image to see the full details of the exquisite construction):
Note the full utilization of the the bent coat hanger, duct tape, and a dowel stick to make a tool of extreme beauty. I know you just must have one of these fine tools! {*grin*}

#3 - I'm going to give this a pass. Most of the spying I have dome has been as part of work related activities and isn't meant to be disclosed. I haven't spied (or even stalked) any relatives because I believe that their life is their own to handle in the way they see fit. (Or mess up as they see fit as well.)

#4 - The simple answer is that I'm not doing it all. I am not blogging as much as I did in the past winter. For the nonce, I am generally not posting on the weekends. That is because I have other things to do and it is generally the only time L and I have together. So then the question becomes blog or spouse? If you chose blog, I think you are in the final stages of CAIS. Seek help, immediately.

#5 - Usually not much, but ... This week while doing all the bushwhacking in the back yard brought forth a couple of anxiety producing happenings. (No, I don't mean I tried to chop off a leg or arm with the ax. Cheesh!) When you chop, cut, and pull that much underbrush out, you disturb every bug and crawlie known to man and some not yet known ones as well. There is nothing like the feeling of a few bugs crawling around inside your shirt to induce the rapid removal of same. I don't know how people of the female persuasion do it - having to go inside before removing the shirt and beating the snot out of the creepy crawlies that is. I'm much more in favor of the immediate gratification of just yanking the shirt off and flailing away. How about you? I figure that anyone who looks deserves the nightmares they'll suffer from seeing my bare torso.

Of course, the evening that I whacked and piled all the brush made the backyard into a bird smörgåsbord. There were literally scenes like this one from the Hitchcock classic "The Birds"
going on all over the yard. At twilight, there must have been 300 birds gathered to feast on all the bugs and crawlies that were now exposed. When you see that many birds all staring intently and eating anything that moves, you can really believe that birds are the last of the dinosaurs. My only regret is that it came after it was too dark for me to get some pictures. I think the bird telegraph must have really spread the word that there was a free feast. At least a couple of every kind of bird from around here except for the turkey buzzards (thank heavens - they are the bad neighbor of birds and the largest crappers in the universe) showed up to feast. Wrens and sparrows and crows and bluebirds and swallows and doves and thrushes and ... All getting along with no territorial battles since there was so much food for the pecking.


  1. I have got to get one of your sock recovery tools. Brilliant!!!

  2. Gee, you really went for it this week...not sure which one I like best. I must admit the CAIS hits a little too close to home for my taste - I will continue to be in denial!

  3. Aww. You miss your wife. So sweat! I would choose bacon over starving any day.

  4. Oh, check you out, Mr. Veteran of Writer's Workshop; doing all the prompts... makes me feel like a total slacker for only doing one... OK, that's total BS cause I wrote the hell outta my disease... LOL I like your ailments... besides, death by bacon is NOT a bad thing... let's get that clear right now! ;-) enjoyed you, hope you have a great day.

  5. #1 is very sweet, I'm not sure I would want to help my husband find a cure for that one, LOL!

    Love the invention...I'd think that would work for lots of things, not just stray socks!

    Have a great day!

  6. Great invention. You are obviously UBERLY talented!!! Bugs in my shirt??? I don't give a crap who's around...that baby would come off even if it meant I was running around naked!!

    Hallie :)

  7. Add inventing to your list of talents! Very sweet how much you miss your wife. The computer addicted one made me laugh.

  8. I have a case of CAIS (up till the point of computer ads). However, I find myself giving myself time limits to read another blog and always extending the limit.

    Your instrument with the duct tape is fetching. I'm envious, but anything with duct tape should be revered.

  9. I'm visiting from Mama Kat's blog and I'm so glad I did! I thoroughly enjoyed reading your blog and will definitely come back and visit again!

    ~ Jennifer

  10. I suffer from CAIS too. Any known cure for that?

  11. I really like this post. I was not feeling very creative with my writer's workshop. Wish I could have done them all.

  12. Your aliments cracked me up. Hope you get feeling better soon. :) You should really think about selling the sock retriever on etsy. You could be the next rags to riches story.

  13. Dan, when I was reading about the brush and how all the creatures were coming out of it, I could almost feel them crawling all over me. And I got itchy : )

  14. Your syndromes were top-notch. I'm pretty sure I suffer from CAIS -- I've been trying to fight it but I just can't. And I love your sock recovery tool...when will it be on the market?

  15. I like your inventiveness. I too have a sock retriever, but I think your's might be better! ;)

    And you are obviously not a mother! ALL mothers feel the need to spy on relative (the ones they begat). Some moms deny it, but they are lying!

  16. May you never recover from ILMWS, may you go to the grave with it.

  17. I love your 'conditions!' Although clearly extremely fatal, ILMWSis something everyone should strive to have. And by the way, where can I get one of those super duper fancy sock recovery tools? ;)

  18. missin' your wife syndrome. I wonder if my husband can catch this??

  19. Good luck with all that gardening and bushwacking. Looks like you have your hands full!

  20. Your answers make me want to participate in the fun! Enjoyed!


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