Saturday, May 2, 2009

You're So ....

I overheard a couple of youngsters berating each other the other day, obviously playing the ancient game of "You're so ugly!". Rumor has it that the original rules of the game were engraved on the walls of a burial chamber in the oldest of the pyramids. Some believe the Ptolemy was the figure of power behind the game salvos between the Greeks and Romans that led to some of the more famous battles of classical times. In more modern times, a friendly game between Lenin and Stalin escalated into some of the more acrimonious assassination attempts of the 20th Century. Much of modern history can be explained as as games of "You're so ugly!" gone awry.

Given the popularity of the game and the power in its invocation, I herewith give you a short list of personal favorites. It should be enough to prime your mental pump to come up with more.
You're so ugly ... that the weather satellites refuse to photograph your neighborhood.

You're so ugly ... that your mother glued postage stamps over your face in the family pictures.

You're so ugly ... that the Gorgon was turned to stone when she espied your mug.

You're so ugly ... that your spouse wears sunglasses to bed at night - and refuses to allow night lights in the bedroom.
You're so ugly ... that the gargoyles on the civic center voted to take up a plastic surgery collection for you.

You're so ugly ... when you walk into the bank they turn off the cameras.

You're so ugly ... when you were born they put tinted windows on your incubator.

You're so ugly ... when you were born the doctor took one look at you and slapped your parents.

You're so ugly ... you have to Trick or Treat by telephone.

You're so ugly ... people put your picture in their car window as an anti-theft device.

You're so ugly ... they call you Moses because every time you step in the lake, the water parts.
You're so ugly ... you make blind kids cry.
Now it's your turn. Leave your favorites in the comments!


  1. I got nothing but I can just hear a street smackdown with the line "You're so ugly ... that the Gorgon was turned to stone when she espied your mug." hee hee.

  2. Oh, I love the tinted windows on the incubator one!!! too funny!


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