Thursday, April 22, 2010

I'm Mad

(Before proceeding, the answer to yesterday's question is octopus. Odd huh?)
(And no, I'm not literally mad in either sense fo the word.)
Time once more for Mama Kat's Writer's Challenge.

This weeks topics:
1.) “I’m mad at myself. I’m embarrassed. I can’t believe after all these years, I’m still talking about my weight.” Poor Ope. What are you mad at yourself about?

2.) Divorce Dreams…a tempting alternative? A disaster to be avoided? Ever an option? Advice? What’s your take?
3.) What is the joy in your present moment?
4.) List 10 rules you’ve unlearned (meaning 10 things you thought were expected of you or were the “right way” of doing things, but that you now ignore).
5.) Mother’s Day is coming…what is the secret behind the close bond you have with your mom? OR What do you do to create that close bond with your kids?

#1 - I'm Mad
(I think that if I were Oprah, I would just leave it at that: I'm mad!)

I suspect that we all have multiple subjects to be mad or obsessed about. The problem is narrow it down to just one thing. I'm going to say weight for the moment.

I have spent my entire life in the 3 standard deviation range for size (except for a week or two sometime in infancy). I was born a small preemie, one of the smallest to survive at the hospital at the time. I have always claimed that they over cooked me in the oxygen tent after birth. The growth that followed led to me being one of the biggest (both tallest and heaviest) in my class throughout school. That is why I have been 6'5" and 300 lbs. since high school.

The only time I get perturbed is when people design doors too short and chairs too small, when people drive cars so small that even one of my size 16 feet won't fit in the door, etc. But at least I can see above the crowd.

#2 - Divorce Dreams

I think that everyone in a long term marriage has occasional thoughts of divorce. L and I have been married for close to 35 years and I know I have had such thoughts. I suspect L has as well.

Such thoughts tend to occur in the throes or aftermath of a particular disappointment or unmet need. Usually the thought of divorce is completely unrealistic. A few hours or days later, the cold hard light of reality intrudes and you realize that divorce is not going to meet the unmet need. You realize that the shared memories and experiences are more important than the problem. That history and belief in each other will let you work the triggering problem out.

The other big trigger for such thoughts seems to be a crisis of self belief. It is a dangerous trap to start believing you are not good enough and that divorce is a way to let your partner find happiness (or even yourself). Usually the delusion fades away and with it the contemplation of divorce.

The divorce dream becomes problematic when it becomes the wedge that prevents you from working on the underlying problem(s). We've all know couples where the idea of divorce was the axe that sundered the marriage because it stopped the ability to function as a team to solve the underlying problem.

(Confused enough?)

#3 - The Joy

The current joy is the coming of summer. The glorious days of never ending sunshine and green growing things all around. The satisfaction of mowing the lawn and working in the garden. The late evening twilight with the cicadas and birds and even the coyotes.

#4 - 10 Broken Rules
  • The best person always wins
  • Belief is sufficient to impel action
  • People are always honest
  • Life is fair
  • Liars never prosper
  • Change is not a constant
  • People never change
  • Good plans always work well
  • Managing people is easy
  • Sleep is always attainable

#5 - Relation to Mom

It's getting late, so I'll just point you to this post from last year.


  1. Love your rules! I think most kids learn that life is not fair soon enough - just think of how little kids can whine "it's not fair" at a pretty young age.

  2. What? Liar's prosper? That's not fair!!!

  3. What is it with big guys named Dan?? My stepdad, also a Dan, is 6'7. And my new guy, Dan, is 6'5 (and wears a 15 shoe!) Is there some unwritten rule that says you have to be a giant if your name is Dan?? :)

  4. Over from Mama Kat's.

    "The best person always wins/liars never prosper."

    Amen to that. I can't tell you how much these constantly broken rules still irk me. I think I need to start lying about it more.

  5. I love your #4 list. That's a good list, my friend.

  6. Yes, your #4 is fantastic; especially with the sleep being attainable. I am thinking that the person who preaches that has no life.

    Also, I always appreciate your insights on my posts. Your comment about the constitutionality of loitering laws is a valid concern. I have a response but have not gotten around to posting.

    Enjoy your day.

  7. Sometimes I think designs need to be rethought because the average size of human beings in terms of height and weight is very different than it once was. (Even basketball hoops are now hung at a height which is too low. Dunking is not the thrill it used to be because players are so tall now.)

  8. Love your rules.

    Your thoughts on divorce are so well put. I agree that often the idea is the axe. Sometimes walking a way "seems" easier but the trials are just different. For us, when the thoughts have been there and the decision is made to work on it - we're closer than we before.

  9. The height thing...yea, it will definitely drive you mad if you were in Japan. In the US, I'm considered fairly average as a female who's 5'8" about 170lbs. In Japan, however, people see me as a giant and nothing fits me here. NOTHING. It's pretty maddening especially since I have to import clothes from overseas just so I have decent clothes to wear. The people here are just plain tiny and they strive to become even tinier everyday. It's just crazy and it makes me mad sometimes too.

    Love your list of rules. They're short, simple and to the point.

    Great post this week :)

  10. This was awesome Dan..Happy Thursday-Earth Day :)

  11. Your rules are excellent. I think I'll print them and hang them next to my bathroom mirror.


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