More of the Bore

Most of today was spent in various domestic things. Like changing bedding and laundry and ... Not exactly the material that anyone with a life is really interested in. The highlight was spending time with L and watching parts of several football games.

To make up for all the excitement earlier in the day, I spent this evening pulling my server rack apart to attempt to cure some nagging issues. Once again not exactly the type of gripping story that you just can't put down.

Does this mean that I have no life?

Proof I Have No Life ...

or perhaps just a really boring one. Yesterday mom and I picked the squash and peppers and tomatoes in preparation for the freeze last night. Nothing like a shed full of various squash and onions to say Fall Is Here. Mom's house is stuffed to the gills with tomatoes and peppers and onions.

When I got home, after stopping to get some materials from the fire chief, I went for all the excitement I could stand and took down the curtains in my office to wash them. The coming of the freeze also generally signals the end of the open window season, so it is time to get all the summer dust out of them. Besides, a couple of the plastic carriers in the drapery rod suffered sun death this summer, so it was a good time to replace them as well. One of the hazards of a south facing window in an area that gets 335+ days of sunshine every year is the sun death of certain plastic objects. Thus I spent my Friday night doing laundry and re-hanging curtains. Sounds like a real hot night doesn't it? Just Molly the dog and me listening to sixties music and doing housework.

L and the Son are in the mountains in the final throes of moving. They moved to a town about 15 miles closer to where they both work, so winter may not involve quite such a hairy commute. In any case, it means L won't be home this weekend and wasn't last weekend in preparation for the move. Makes the old homestead seem rather empty for the nonce. L and the Son actually moved Thursday/Friday, but when I spoke to L earlier today, they were still unpacking and searching for things. I suspect that they will both spend tonight collapsed on the couch watching the Rockies game.

Today I made spaghetti sauce. Nothing like the smell of Italian sausage, tomatoes, peppers, and onions all simmering away for hours with some oregano and basil , etc. But the real secret is a touch of brown sugar added in the final few hours of simmer. Needless to say, I had spaghetti for supper and then froze the rest of the sauce for fast microwave dinners later on. By the time the spaghetti is cooked, the sauce can be defrosted and heated in the microwave and supper is ready. Given that I cut up some really hot peppers when I made the sauce, I have faith that no one will snitch it from the freezer. {*grin*}

As further proof that there is a distinct lack of excitement at the old abode, every football team I rooted for today either lost or is losing. Maybe tomorrow's Bronco game will be better. After all it can't be much worse than today. Back to rubbing the dog's head and seeing if Oklahoma can finally play some real football.

Stupid Saturday

In my ongoing quest to find the really dumb clinkers of the universe, I have come up with yet another Saturday list of stupidity.

First off we have this gem as reported on the fail blog.


see more pwn and owned pictures

You really have to wonder if their marriage is going to last much longer.

Then we have this story from Houston. It seems that the troubled police system there just got more troubled. You really have to wonder how a police department computer system could be left open to this kind of virus infection.

Houston shut down part of its municipal court operations Friday, cancelling hearings and suspending arrests for minor offenses after a computer virus infected hundreds of its machines. City officials said they expected the problems to extend at least through Monday.
Click here for the full story from the Houston Chronicle.

In further police administration related stupidity, we have this tale of domestic untranquillity:

HEBRON, Ind. – A woman who wasn't invited to her sister's wedding reception showed up anyway and attacked the bride, pulling out clumps of her hair, police said. Annmarie Bricker, 23, of Valparaiso, was arrested on a misdemeanor charge of battery.

Jeremy Glotzbach told police he was hosting a reception for newlyweds Nicholas Landry and Lori Kappes at his home on Jan. 23 when Bricker, Kappes' sister, attacked Kappes on the front porch.

Bricker pulled out clumps of Kappes' hair, struck her head and took the bride to the ground during a struggle, according to the Porter County Sheriff's Department.

Bricker told police she went to the house because she "just wanted to talk" to her sister and parents about family problems. She said she never touched her sister, but five witnesses contradicted her, authorities said. Kappes did not need medical treatment.

Bricker later resigned from her job as a Porter County 911 dispatcher.

(Click here for full credits and pictures.)

But it's not just police that are acting strangely. We also have this Canadian who evidently never heard the old Wendy's commercials questioning "Where's the beef?"

By The Canadian Press

ST. JOHN'S, N.L. - A Newfoundland diner is in trouble for apparently liking his steak with plenty of marble.

A 58-year-old man is facing an assault charge in St. John's after he allegedly slugged his waiter for serving a steak that was "too meaty." The incident occurred Thursday night at a downtown restaurant.

The Royal Newfoundland Constabulary alleges the man pushed the waiter and punched him in the face on his way out of the restaurant.

He has been released from custody and will appear in provincial court at a later date.

And finally, a chance for you to determine where *you* are on the StoOpid scale. When I took the stupid test, you'll note that I came out as only 1% stoOpid. How did you do? (Just click on the logo to take the test.)

I'll leave you on that note. There's only so much stupidity one man can take.

Stupid Saturday

Saturday has once more arrived meaning it is time for yet another piece of stupidity. Today we will look at a piece of entertainment from Paul Sadowski's Site . For those of you who are believers in name and numerology, now is the time to quit reading and leave.

OK, you are still here. No griping if your universe turns to unpalatable dust even as you read. My commentary on each section will be in italic font. Here is the output of the name analysis of my full name from the aforementioned site:

You entered:XXXXX XXX XXXXX

There are 14 letters in your name.
Those 14 letters total to 58
There are 7 vowels and 7 consonants in your name.

What your first name means:

Welsh	Male	Attractive. A translation of the Welsh name Deiniol.
Irish	Male	Attractive. A translation of the Gaelic name Domhnall.
Hebrew	Male	God is my Judge. The biblical prophet and writer of Book of Daniel was a teenager when taken to Babylon after the destruction of Jerusalem in 607 BC. He survived two death sentences: (a lions' den and a fiery furnace.); Frontiersman Daniel Boone.
Biblical	Male	Judgment of God; God my judge

(OK, nothing that can't be found on two hands and a few toes coupled with a good dictionary thus far. Notice that there are no uncomplimentary terms in the descriptions. Nothing like "your name means scum of the earth or carrion eater.")


Your number is: 4
The characteristics of #4 are: A foundation, order, service, struggle against limits, steady growth.
The expression or destiny for #4:
Order, service, and management are the cornerstones of the number 4 Expression. Your destiny is to express wonderful organization skills with your ever practical, down-to-earth approach. You are the kind of person who is always willing to work those long, hard hours to push a project through to completion. A patience with detail allows you to become expert in fields such as building, engineering, and all forms of craftsmanship. Your abilities to write and teach may lean toward the more technical and detailed. In the arts, music will likely be your choice. Artistic talents may also appear in such fields as horiculture and floral arrangement, as well. Many skilled physicians and especially surgeons have the 4 Expression.
The positive attitudes of the 4 Expression yield responsibility; you are one who no doubt, fulfills obligations, and is highly systematic and orderly. You are serious and sincere, honest and faithful. It is your role to help and you are required to do a good job at everything you undertake.
If there is too much 4 energies present in your makeup, you may express some of the negative attitudes of the number 4. The obligations that you face may tend to create frustration and feelings of limitation or restriction. You may sometimes find yourself nursing negative attitudes in this regard and these can keep you in a rather low mood. Avoid becoming too rigid, stubborn, dogmatic, and fixed in your opinions. You may have a tendency to develop and hold very strong likes and dislikes, and some of these may border on the classification of prejudice. The negative side of 4 often produces dominant and bossy individuals who use disciplinarian to an excess. These tendencies must be avoided. Finally, like nearly all with 4 Expression, you must keep your eye on the big picture and not get overly wrapped up in detail and routine.

(Once again, note the absence of true negatives. Note also the broad and meaningless brush strokes. You could even fit a manic schizophrenic under the description. Being a 4, I could be anything from a milquetoast to a dictator and fit the description. Come to think of it, I *was* once called a "fat-headed asshole dictator by a former council member with an open mike." That was the beginning of her end.)


Your Soul Urge number is: 9
A Soul Urge number of 9 means: 
With a 9 Soul Urge, you want to give to others, usually in a humanitarian or philanthropic manner. You are highly motivated to give friendship, affection and love. And you are generous in giving of your knowledge and experience. You have very sharing urges, and you are likely to have a great deal to share. Your concern for others makes you a very sympathetic and generous person with a sensitive and compassionate nature.
You are able to view life in very broad and intuitive terms. You often express high ideals and an inspirational approach to life. If you are able to fully realize the potential of your motivation, you will be a very self-sacrificing person who is able to give freely without being concerned about any return or reward.
As with all human beings, you are prone to sometimes express the negative attitudes inherent to your Soul Urges. You may become too sensitive and tend to express emotions strongly at times. There can be significant conflict between higher aims and personal ambitions. You may resent the idea of giving all of the time and, in fact, if there is too much 9 energy in your nature you may reject the idea. You may often be disappointed in the lack of perfection in yourself and others.

(Once again a set of meaningless attributes that most people would be happy to have applied to themselves. Nothing about the tendency to crush others beneath your heel or your desire to picture your enemies naked at a Mary Kay convention.)



Your Inner Dream number is: 22
An Inner Dream number of 22 means: 
You dream of being a master organizer and a builder of monumental projects; of guiding a truly huge endeavor. Your secret fantasy is to think big and imagine what could be done for the world. You may also dream of the huge rewards.


(Anyone not happy to have this bit of pablum applied to them? My secret fantasy is to become ruler of the world. I have been held back thus far only by the inability to find a side kick with an appropriately awesome name. Any volunteers?)

(As you can tell, I'm not overly impressed with the analysis of my name. Are you any more impressed when you give it your name? Remember to use your maiden name if married, etc.)


(For something really stupid, check this poor fellow out. Warning - may be offensive!)

Cow bad stunt funny comedy joke stupid animal
Uploaded by sweetcelebrity87

Stupid (and Slow) Saturday

Today was rather slow. I went to the funeral this morning and then came back home to get some other things done. By 2:30 after a brisk 4 mile walk in the cold breeze, I was ready for a nap. So from 2:30 to 5 was occupied with sawing some rather large logs (with Molly the wonder dog snoring right beside the bed with me).

In the arena of stupid, the local loonies seem to have been on their good behavior this week. (Other than the gentleman from yesterday .) So I have had to try and remember what impressed me during the week. Given my marshmallow memory, that can be challenging.

Some of my favorite tales of the stupid criminally inclined:

David Posman, 33, was arrested recently in Providence, R.I, after allegedly knocking out an armored car driver and stealing the closest four bags of money. It turned out they contained $800 in PENNIES, weighed 30 pounds each, and slowed him to a stagger during his getaway so that police officers easily jumped him from behind.

which could qualify for a chance at the Darwin Awards . And then you have the not overly bright minor offenders. I suspect this gentlemen might have been from large city where he wouldn't expect the police to think like this:

A local man is involved in a car accident. When the police arrive, the man gives his drivers license to the officer, and then literally turns and runs away. The officer doesn't give chase, but does check him through the computer. He has no warrants and is a valid driver. His car is also registered to him and everything is proper. The officer simply tows the man's car, drives over to his house and issues him a ticket.

But the best non-thinking criminals tend to be young. They still believe they are bullet proof and won't get caught no matter how blatant the action. Like this pair:

Police arrested a 16-year-old driver and his 19-year-old passenger in July in Exeter Township when the driver coolly pulled up to a sobriety checkpoint and told officers they were on the way to a party, even though both were obviously intoxicated; the car was littered with empty and open beer cans; and the boys looked much younger than 21 (the drinking age). And two other things: The car had been reported stolen, and in the back seat was a leather satchel containing various license plates, car titles and other motor-vehicle papers.

Last but not least, the cousin of the guy who wrote his ransom note on the back of his pay check:

STEVENS POINT, Wis. -- A woman didn't have to look far to figure out who likely broke into her home and took a camera from her purse. Police said the burglar left behind his probation and parole card.

So, what kind of stupidity has been catching your attention this week?

 Now I'll leave you with an example winning Darwin Award entry from last year:

(8 March 2008, Florida) Just because you see it online does not mean it's a good idea. Cameron, 18, was joyriding in a shopping cart as he held onto a moving SUV. An eyewitness said, "It's irresponsible behavior, but what do you expect from kids?" The car and the cart went over a speed bump and the cart overturned, ejecting its occupant, who was not wearing the little seat belt. Cameron was pronounced dead at the scene.

(My apologies to those of you who have lost loved ones to such tragedies. )

Stupid Saturday (a bit late)

First up in the parade of stupidity for today is that famous trio of me, myself, and I. I managed to rip about half the fingernail off my right index finger, so typing and mousing is a bit slow and error prone at the moment. Why does it make the stupid list? Because I wasn't paying attention when I released the spring clamp and boing - it sprang along with some skin and part of the nail. Boneheads of the world unite!

Next up we have a pair of "only in your dreams" stories. First is one from a technical blog and the second from a medical blog.

From the c0t0d0s0.org , the blog of Joerg Moellenkamp comes this suggestion for a new web 2.0 (and a little swipe at the popularity of twitter ):

When you look at the Web 2.0 ecosphere, you will recognize, that the most unlikely services wins. Or did you really expected that one of the most used services allows you to send 140 chars in a time when 10 GBit/s per lamda is quite normal? Well ... i have an idea for a Web 2.0, too: It´s called http://www.iknowwhereyourcarparks.com.

It´s a solution for a worldwide problem: Your girlfriend or your boyfriend found a new significant other and you need the position of the car to proof your eternal love by cutting a heart into the tyres of the car? You want the job of a colleague thus you have to mob him out of his job and want to place some horse shit on his car when the sun burns? No problem .... http://www.iknowwhereyourcarparks.com is the solution.

You just place a request into the service: At first you describe the car. License plate, colour, type, exact model of the car and possible locations. As much as possible. But just the licence plate and the colour is displayed to others Then you specify a reward and you pay it via PayPal to the service. Interested people can lookup searchrequests in their region. When they find it, they have to describe the car. When all conditions match, the money is transferd to the account of the finder. The service is financed by a service fee of 5% per transaction.

read the rest of Joerg's article here . I really like Joerg's blog, even down to the punish name which is a play on the disk device name from Solaris .


From the pen of #1dinosaur at dinosaurmusings comes this suggestion about the plane crash in the Hudson River:

New evidence just in about the recent airliner water crash being termed the Miracle on the Hudson, in which a US Airways jet was disabled by a flock of birds before being forced to make a watery landing in the Hudson river, with no fatalities thanks to the skill and courage of the pilot and flight crew:

The latest reports are stating that the birds involved, a "flock of geese," were Canada geese. This is clear evidence that the incident was in fact an act of terrorism by Canada against the US.

Calls for the Department of Homeland Security to investigate the incident ought to be forthcoming.

So now you have it. All the stupidity that I care to type for now.

P.S. You did realize that both of these are tongue in cheek farces didn't you? They are!

Stupid Saturday

Today is a special day here at The Art of Panic. It is our inaugural Stupid Saturday, where in we hope to illustrate that there is hope for those on the wrong side of the Darwinian curve after all. That is, they might make an appearance here on the way to extinction and thus serve as a lesson to all.

First up is this gentleman who seems to be lacking some essential clues about mating:

THOMAS TOWNSHIP, Mich. – Police say a Michigan man has been arrested after "receiving sexual favors from a vacuum" at a car wash.

The Saginaw News reports the 29-year-old Swan Creek Township man was arrested Thursday in Saginaw County's Thomas Township, about 90 miles northwest of Detroit.

Police Sgt. Gary Breidinger says a resident called to report suspicious activity at the car wash about 6:45 a.m. An officer approached on foot and caught the man in the act.

The suspect, whose name wasn't immediately released, is being held in the Saginaw County Jail.

Next is the enterprising woman who accidentally got rid of her husband in an unexpected manner:

ST PETERSBURG - A Russian woman in St Petersburg killed her drunk husband with a folding couch, Russian media reported on Wednesday.

St Petersburg's Channel Five said the man's wife, upset with her husband for being drunk and refusing to get up, kicked a handle after an argument, activating a mechanism that folds the couch up against a wall.

The couch, which doubles as a bed, folds up automatically in order to save space. The man fell between the mattress and the back of the couch, Channel Five quoted emergency workers as saying.

The woman then walked out of the room and returned three hours later to check on what she thought was an unusually quiet sleeping husband.

...

Video on the television channel's website showed emergency workers sawing away the side panels of a couch to remove a man in his underwear lying headfirst between the cushions.

Emergency workers said the man died instantly.

Next up, we consider the "be careful where you put it" line of reasoning as exposed in the Orlando Sentinel :

A 27-year-old Deltona woman told authorities she bit her husband's penis because she didn't want to have sex with him.

Charris Bowers was arrested Saturday by a Volusia County sheriff's deputy, accused of misdemeanor battery. A judge set her free Sunday without requiring her to post bail.

Her husband, Delou Bowers, today would not comment.

According to a sheriff's office report, the Bowerses had been to a bar Friday night. Delou Bowers told authorities that when they got home, his wife began to perform oral sex on him but then began to bite his penis.

He tried to stop her, he told a deputy, but she kept at it. He then began to punch her in the head and pushed her to the floor, and she let go, according to the arrest report.

Charris Bowers gave the officer two versions of what happened. She first said she was sitting on the couch when her husband walked over and put his penis in her mouth, according to the report.

"She then bit it to get him away from her," the report said.

She later said her husband walked over with his penis exposed, and she bit it.

Either way, the deputy saw the injury, photographed it then arrested Mrs. Bowers.

Finally, we come to the close of this issue with a simple "don't try this at home" picture:

It might keep the dust out, but it might also lead to an appearance here.